Standort - Position

So, what’s your favourite position? Hmm, tough question, and a bit personal. Suppose it depends who I’m shooting at. The classic church tower sniper nest works quite well for city centre killings, but chances are you won’t get that many shots off before you’re spotted. Personally, were I carry out such an attack, I’d fire Greggs pastries instead of bullets, and it’d have to be from a suitably humorous location. It’d be great to be out on bail (probably not so likely if you’ve gone and used live rounds) right in time to see Jon Snow struggling to keep a straight face as he reads that a twenty-five year old male has been apprehended for shooting high-density sausage rolls on terrified shoppers. From the sperm bank‘s roof. Or steak bakes from the incontinence studies centre. Or Belgian Buns from the Discount Book Depository. Anything that ludicrous would have the tabloid newspapers slashing each other’s faces for those big-money exclusive interviews. A ton of broadcasting jobs would open up too - Channel Four are always clambering for the freshest mentalist hosts to present their latest (of several thousand) Big Brother ask-thick-viewers-what-they-think shows. Not to mention…and I’ve just realised that’s not what you meant at all! Favourite pos-it-ion. What an idiot. I blame the lack of intonation you get with a textually-posed question. Now this is definitely a bit uncomfortable to answer, mainly because I don‘t practice as much as I used to. But if pushed I’d have to say defender because you get to charge into someone who’s far more skilful, teaching them that all their fancy show-off shit with the ball isn’t anywhere near as easy with a smashed-in hoof. That’s what people get for being good at football. Of course the added bonus of playing with your mates is there’s no fines, bans or criminal charges when you cause a serious injury. A few pints ’a Best’ll sort ’em out. Plus that lengthy reconstructive surgery. But then what’s a mild crippling between friends? Anyway, hope that answered your question, I’m off to find a cowgirl to reverse over. Heard that was quite the pleasurable five seconds.