Kochplatte - Hotplate

Crockery featuring nude ladies is the only even slightly amusing image I’ve somehow conjured for this entry. Even then, it’s not so much funny as just dirty. Imagine being served steak and chips on such a hotplate. The idea of bloody meat juices being fork-mopped all over any nakedness - pictorially or in the flesh - isn’t a pretty one. And surely after a while, after so many uses, the glaze would start to scratch, resulting in the featured babes looking more like self-harmers or victims of cruel domestic abuse. Also who is that over-sexed they can‘t even eat without needing to glimpse at someone’s hair pie. Or jam donut. Or a fuzzburger. Or a haddock pastie. Or any tasteless food-related vagina synonym. Masturbation at the dinner table wasn’t the norm when I was growing up, so porn on plates seems a bit pointless. Although now as a single guy I‘d probably get away with it, but Supernoodles aren’t all that sexy, even if they were manoeuvred to drape across a heaving pair of fake tits. And before this turns into a grimy Mills and Boon novel, it should end - a shorter entry than usual probably because I’ve started putting all this nonsense online, so there’s a distinct possibility somebody - somewhere - could read this. A terrifying thought that would turn even the biggest hotplate fan hopelessly limp.