Spuren - To Feel

To feel up a member of opposite sex without fear of any legal or dodgy social repercussions must be brilliant. Some people have the gift of instantly acceptable pervy behaviour, others are just considered creepy bastards. I’ve got friends who’ll hardly know a girl, yet they’ll assert themselves to such a degree that the target female will happily accept an intimate bear hug with the bonus of added crotch-thrust action. Were I to try any of that shit on people I’ve know for years, let alone minutes, I’d be swiftly kicked in the balls and branded an odious prick for life. Yet personally, I think I’m one of the least sleazy people around, approximately sixty times less shady than your average over-confident cuddle-seeking, cock-pressing tit. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but then I don’t have female genitalia, so can’t pretend to understand any of the complex logic involved in forming such opinions. I just believe that most girls would prefer an idiot with an abundance of confidence, over less of an idiot who might be a bit shy. Women want a man who can grab life by the balls and defend himself and her against any crap thrown their way, not someone who’ll just hide behind a literary shield, choosing instead to insult people with an arrogant linguistic superiority. Where does that get you in a fist fight? Or trying to complain about your poor broadband service? Nowhere. It’s awfully depressing that I always end up whining that nice guys finish not quite last, but certainly nowhere near first. Perk up! Get out there! Show everyone you mean business! Really? Is that going to help? I have a coy smile and conversation about travelling, writing and comedy, to which most people are ignorant and/or completely indifferent. And given my complete lack of touchy-feely-pervy skills, there’s not much left to go on. It’s a horrible waste of time that could be put to much better use by writing about how much of a horrible waste of time it is. Absolutely unlike now.