Sopran - Soprano

While it may have been easier to write about how great the HBO mob-drama The Sopranos is, despite still having only seen up to episode three of season four - having spent more time turning the channel whenever I flicked on it by mistake for fear of seeing an out-of-sequence one - I, after this terribly long sentence, decided to go for something closer to home. As difficult as it may be to believe, I used to sing soprano in the Bradford Cathedral Choir from about age nine to fifteen. I’d have practice on a Monday and Thursday evening and have to attend both morning and evening services on a Sunday. So it was just as well I had absolutely zero social life. It was an odd experience attending church services every week, because I knew the structure, most of the prayers, anthems and psalms inside out, while at the same time being a complete heathen. I didn’t believe a word of it. I couldn’t understand how these obviously learned people could really believe it too. Perhaps it was purely for the choir boys. Although I am joking, we did have an actual nonce singing bass at one point. To make matters slightly more interesting, and to raise this from quite a dull, humdrum autobiographical piece to something more in keeping with The Daily Star, he once took a now reasonably famous Bradford boy [expletive deleted] back to his house for a special practice session for a choral event he was organising called, aptly I suppose, ‘100 Young Yorkshire Voices’. Whether [expletive deleted] got a bumming is unclear - he never talked about it, but the top-choir-brass shat themselves and promptly excluded Mr Paedo from active duty. I’ve gone well over for time on this piece and I’d hate to think how utterly disjointed stylistically and directionally, so it’s probably best to end it. In conclusion, I’m not much of a soprano any more and don’t have the burning urge to head to a nearby church any time soon. Although I would certainly prefer to sing the anthems of Elgar and Britton over those wholly sacrilegious shitbox offerings of Alice-fucking-Deejay and ATB.