Ratselhaft - Mysterious

When girls say they want a mysterious man in their lives, is that just code for lying, cheating scumbag? Deep down I’m sure that’s what all ladies want. Get a nice guy and he’ll bore you senseless within the half decade and you’ll have to be a completely whorish twat to be rid of him, but get Mr Mysterious, and he’ll have shagged his way through your Facebook contacts well before you’re ready to throw in the towel, thereby giving you a feasible excuse to dump his enigmatic ass, guilt-free. Sure, it might hurt in the short term, but at least you don’t have to live with a lifetime of regret. I don’t think nice guys always finish last, just generally not in any of the podium positions, or where you’d earn points in a Formula One championship situation. The guys that finish last are complete bastards who happen to be penniless losers too. If you find yourself in that group, you might as well just castrate yourself, because the only female contact you’re getting is from the drug addled crab-nest that sleeps in the bed-sit opposite, or even worse, in the doorway of the bed-sit opposite. There’s only one type of lonely-hearts-labelled man more disturbing than Mysterious, and that’s Dangerous. There really are women out there who are looking for a dangerous man. Just what precisely does that mean? Is she looking to get beaten up, stabbed or raped on the first date? Perhaps get thoroughly boozed-up then partake in some hard drug use, ending the evening with a late-night speedy drive along that precarious rocky road by the cliff‘s edge? The only ladies who would specifically request a nice guy are most likely victims of abuse at the hands of previously dangerous partners or women who’ve had Mr Mysterious just enough times to be so emotionally scarred they simply can’t take any more rejection. Basically damaged goods. And of course nice guys, being that they are nice by nature, will take either in with open arms, being completely oblivious to the fact that they could do so much better were they to have any self-re-cocking-spect. So not last, just not anywhere close to first.