Missverstehen - To Misunderstand

When conversing in a foreign language, it’s very easy to both misunderstand and be misunderstood. Brits abroad probably have the hardest time of it, given as a nation we are ludicrously unilingual. I feel quite embarrassed when I can’t even conduct the simplest of conversations in a local language, and thoroughly mortified if I can’t remember the words for at least hello, goodbye, please and thank you. Yet so many of my fellow countrymen and women positively revel in their linguistic ignorance. Flicking through the channels after getting in from work late one night, I ended up watching a horrible programme following a group of boozy Englishmen abroad and their odious, thoroughly gimpish antics in an unfortunate eastern European capital. One ‘ex Marine’ whips his cock out in the street and starts pissing into his own mouth, then kisses one of his mates, slash-juice dripping down his cheeks. What a laugh. Another top geezer spends all his time learning how to say ‘I love your tits’ to every indigenous female in the bar. Another swaggering bunch of dipshits chant football songs and smash beer bottles on their thick fucking heads. They might as well have called the programme Reasons to Hate the English, Even if You’re English Too. I just don’t understand the mentality of these absolute wankers who could, instead of spending all that money on flights and accommodation simply pool their cash and buy a truck full of Stella and simulate the experience in their own home. They go purely to get completely trashed and remember nothing about it, so why bother travelling at all? But perhaps I am the one misunderstanding them. I could be totally out of touch with what it means to be British. I could well be the complete dickhead in all this. One of them could be writing a similarly angry piece about how pathetic someone who travels to, I don’t know, see other countries and take in their art, sights and cuisine, to embrace their customs and learn about their people‘s history. Yeah they‘re right, I’m gonna hang my head in shame and think about how much an embarrassment I am to our great nation. I’m sorry.