Ein|leiten - To Start

It’s quite easy to start on someone in a pub or nightclub without even realising it. An accidental shoulder bump, toe-stepping or even an ill-timed glance in some guy’s direction while laughing at a private joke can get you into serious anti-social difficulties. The problem is that alcohol, especially when combined with a ton of other less legal mind-altering substances generally make people who are already complete pricks, infinitely more prickish. So much so that even a friendly smile at the bar can result in an aggressively twatty “You fucking starting mate? You fucking starting?!” To which there really is no appropriate response. There’s quite a high probability that you’re going to leave with some kind of fist or bottle related injury, no matter what you reply. The gut reaction of “No, mate, not at all!” is just asking for a “You calling me a fucking liar?!” comeback, while an even vaguely witty retort just cries out please smash my face in! Turning away an ignoring them is an option, given the attention span of such horribly Neanderthalic man isn’t renown, however, if there’s no big-breasted females, or non-white foreigners around to distract them, it’s a dangerous move. Essentially until alcohol is banned for all citizens who are complete bell-ends, you have to be prepared for a bottling or fisting (in the face) every time you go out drinking. If you leave the house expecting to return with a black eye or bloodied nose, you can never really lose, unless that’s what you actually want. But if that’s the case, just walk into a Wetherspoons on a packed Saturday night and call everyone a massively prickish prick. You won’t go home disappointed. In fact, you might not even go home at all, and instead leave in an ambulance for an all expenses trip to A&E. Whatever floats your boat.