Feuerwehr - Fire Brigade

As there’s not a huge amount of hilarity related to burning stuff or the people paid to put burning stuff out, this time (a bit lamely, yes) I sought inspiration from Google. Beyond the default top results of almost any internet search (Wikipedia fascinating my face off with the precise military definition of the word ‘brigade’, and MySpace pointing me to the page of some soulless pap-metal act) I thankfully found a couple more comically viable options. When a website labelled simply ‘Girls Brigade’ appeared sixth on the list, the prospect of using something like ’fiery hot chicks’ and it not being overly tenuous got me quite excited. Expecting an Are You Over 18? banner to pop-up before entering a site dedicated to filthy army-clad (or unclad) ladies of the night, it was thoroughly gutting to discover that the Girls Brigade was in fact a Christian youth organisation. It was the downscaled web-based linguistic equivalent of Blue Balls Syndrome. A bit like unwrapping what you were certain was the Girls of The Playboy Mansion DVD on Christmas Day and finding sodding Bambi. Or a Famous Five triple feature. Anyway, unless you enjoy the music of Gary Glitter, there’s nothing remotely appealing about today’s youth, or in fact any demographic brought together by religion. The idea of a militarily-structured religious organisation makes me cringe, even if it is for kids. With their ranks and perceived god-serving, they’re basically Hamas. Minus the guns. Plus some rock climbing. And maybe a little canoeing. Still, based in the Middle East and substituting their motto of “Seek, Serve and Follow Christ” for “Seek, Serve and Follow Mohammed”, they’d have been bombed the fuck out of by NATO years ago. Actually, ragging on Christianity this time of year is like kicking someone when they’re down. Or more like stamping on their face until it looks like a Pound Stretcher Halloween mask. What with their most significant annual celebration being hijacked by several billion people who couldn’t give a shit about Jesus, wise men or donkeys. Unless they’re sharing a stage in Tijuana with a naked, oiled-up slut called Chantico. So no, the subject will instead be changed abruptly to inform you of an incredible site I stumbled across called Sprinkle Brigade. I say ‘incredible’ because I’ve matured to a point I where find the idea of decorating dog faeces in the street very funny indeed. Check it out. Now. The rest of this can wait.

That’s probably it for 2009. Another odd, stupendously fast year full of experiences great and not so great, but all allegedly character-building and all that shit. See ya’ll in 2010 - or possibly sooner if I get time for another entry…if so, prepare for a painful textually-awkward double-goodbye. Ta ta!