Ansprüche - Requirements

The requirements for a New Zealand Working Holiday Visa differ vastly depending on the geographical location you happened to leave your mum’s lady parts. Or in some cases, the geographical location of a parent when they said goodbye to their intrauterine crib. Essentially if a couple of hundred years back your country was rich, had smart leaders, or, more likely ones that were massively belligerent tossers, you get a good deal. Otherwise you might as well not bother. Unless you’re loaded. For example, to live and work in New Zealand for up to twelve months, a Thai passport holder must have a minimum of $7000 in their account, as well as a return ticket or extra funds to purchase one; ‘have medical and comprehensive hospitalization insurance’ for the length of their stay, AND, amazingly have a university degree. Plus there’s only a hundred places available each year. A UK citizen, on the other hand, can get away with having a meagre $350 (about £150) for each month of the intended stay - even if that’s just available credit on a Mastercard. If you are short (on cash, not in stature), the ’intended stay’ for the sake of Immigration could be easily curtailed. Besides the same return ticket stipulation that’s about it. There’s no competition as the number of places is unlimited, and there’s the bonus option of extending it to 23 months if you like. So Britain’s thick and poor have a far better chance of getting approved than Thailand’s relative rich and educated.

It’s almost embarrassing to be so privileged because of something I had absolutely no control over. It’s the international travelling equivalent of being born into the royal family and enjoying a world of unearned benefits. We, the citizens of rich, western countries seemingly have the divine right to go wherever we want, whenever we please. Meanwhile surfs of the undeveloped world can sod right off. That’s unless they flash their cash upfront, because of course that proves their intentions are entirely wholesome.

I propose a new, more succinct set of requirements that don’t give a shit about where you or your parents are from, set funds or specific levels of education. In fact it’s simply two things that should be displayed in huge lettering above passport control: No Wankers and Don’t Take The Piss. Sorted.