Gerade - Straight

Yep, I’ll get straight to the point - sexuality. What is it really all about? People get labelled as either straight or not-straight depending who they want touch when naked. Perhaps that’s a bit of crude description, but that’s essentially the deal. Apparently I’m straight because I have a thing for women, even though people call me a big gay all the time. I suspect however, this is used as a derogatory term because gayness isn’t considered massively cool, at least not in Norwich anyway. I have friend who is a boy, but certainly not my ‘boyfriend’ (as that would be gay) who likes to touch men when naked (and also while fully clothed) and so he is authentically not straight, or ‘bent’ if you want to skirt across the boundaries of political correctness. However, nobody calls him a big hetro as an insult. People just call him a big gay too. It works for girls who like girls also - although guys tend to not care so much about that, especially if the ‘lesbians’ (as they’re known) are particularly attractive. Another (boy) friend of mine really, really, really fancies one specific lesbian, which really seems about as worthwhile as having a crush on your teacher when you’re fourteen - the chances of anything ever happening are so slim, it’s just an exercise in futility. Unless of course you watch, and believe as fact the storylines of teen tosserfest, Hollyoaks. There’s also a group of people who like humans of both genders, and we call them bisexuals, or just desperate if you want to apply a tired and overused joke. I know a few such people, and I respect their honesty. I think it would be totally impossible for even the ’straightest’ of straight people to never, ever have a single even slightly gay thought, and vice versa. The labels of straight and gay are so sharp, crisp and supposedly unambiguous. Labels that have been handed down from paranoid and prejudicial ancestors who take archaic religious stances against anything other biblical heterosexual shagging - the sole purpose for which has always been to create more baby Christians, Jews or Muslims, generally to wage holy war against other baby Christians, Jews and Muslims when they all grow up. It’s high time we update our thoughts on the subject, evolve our ideas and just decide to like who we like, if and when we meet them, without the thought of possible sexuality label-change and the subsequent fear of frowning parents and peers clouding our judgement. But in a label-obsessed world, I don’t think that’s going to happen en mass any time soon! [Wow, how was that for a nuclear tonal shift!]