Während - During

During these tough economic times, it’s important to be incessantly reminded quite how tough these economic times are. Constantly. They’re tough. They’re economic. It‘s economic toughness gone mad! On a scale of one to old boots, it’s a Lidl mutton steak prepared by chimps. Special chimps in special motorised chimp chairs. Actually, that’s probably less tough, more a day round Mary Chipperfield’s house. But hilarious images of animal cruelty aside, these tough economic times have had practically zero perceivable impact on my life (Sooft - 7/10/08 is still quite relevant) - in fact I’ve disposed of more disposable income in the last twelve months than ever before. Well done Andy! You’re helping the UK through these tough economic times with your reckless spending! Well, not quite - most of it has ended up in the hands of foreigners. Before you get all judgemental, I‘ve not been on a trafficked prostitute binge, no! It’s mostly been blown travelling, notching up a healthy carbon footprint with thirteen flights taken in a single six-month period. Ooops. Sorry environment. But contributions to climate change aside, it is a global economic crisis, so spreading my cash across borders can’t be considered that irresponsible, can it? In this country, these tough economic times aren’t nearly so bad as those of Latvia or Mexico, so injecting some foreign currency into their systems can’t be a bad thing. Even if it is just a few nights, a few meals and a (good) few beers, it all helps. Mostly though I think I’ve aided Chinese finances by splashing out on tons of place-branded tat they always seem to have manufactured. Decorative wooden spoon from Tallinn, Estonia - China. Lithuanian flag from Vilnius, Lithuania - China. Novelty Seattle crab from Seattle, USA - China. Fridge magnet from Cromer, north Norfolk - China. I really hope that in the markets of Beijing, alongside the vegetables and tiger penises, they’re selling “I Luv da Great Wall” T-shirts made in Bradford. Or maybe a range of Terracotta Army figurines lovingly hand-crafted in Diss. Think of the people in this country they’d be helping during these tough economic times! It’s about time both the Chinese gave something back, and I abruptly ended this piece without explaining why.