Es Bewegt Sich Etwas - Things Are Beginning To Happen

A reasonably appropriate entry as I make my return to these Improvised German to English Writings after posting nothing substantial for almost a month. The usual excuse of writing stand-up will have to suffice - at the risk of being branded a self-congratulatory toss piece, I performed a twenty minute set a few days ago that went reasonably well. Especially considering it was over three times longer than anything I’d previously attempted. And it was only gig-number-four on my CV. Right, this simply isn’t good reading, and I categorically feel like a self-congratulatory toss piece now, although evidently not quite enough to delete this whole ego-boosting opening section. But anyway, the point was/is that things are beginning happen in my possible semi-hobbyist/part-part-time indulgence/slightest of slight money-making prospects - my dabbling in stand-up comedy. If that fails, there must be some cash in heavily-hyphenated/overly-forward-slashed or exclamation-marked (see later) sentence creation. That’d be ace. So what other things are beginning to happen today? Glad you asked, because serious nuclear destruction is potentially on the agenda. The thing that’s really amazed us shockingly-racist westerners is it isn’t those crazy Islamic extremists with suitcase nukes! Or even India and Pakistan ready to annihilate each other over 85806 square miles of fine woollen sweaters! [Although since researching that joke I’ve discovered the spellings of the disputed territory bordering those countries, and the sheep-sourced fabric are not the same, making the gag comically defunct.] So no! It’s in fact North Korea and this time they’re serious! Not only did they detonate a device as powerful as the Hiroshima bomb, but followed it up by several short-range missile tests. This of course comes after last month’s satellite launch-come-ICBM experiment that already severely pissed off the international community. Clearly shit-scary times to be living in South Korea, unless you like your summers bright and 300,000 degrees. Oh, and dead. The extra-scary thing is you really get the feeling the UN are ball-less and powerless to do anything about it. Is anyone up for invaded a country with more than a million soldiers and a proven nuclear capability? In any case you sort of have to admire Kim Jong-il. He’s taken the classically over-compensating and aggressive short-man’s syndrome to major extremes, and it’s made him almost untouchable. He’s got the (albeit forced) adoration of his people, and no one outside North Korea can do anything except call him a tosser and say what a very naughty naughty bad bad boy he is. Definitely an inspiration to self-conscious diminutives around the world. Were I short and lacking the perceived respect I deserve, acquiring a small, east-Asian country and installing myself as supreme leadership would be the first thing I‘d do. So come on Joe Pesci, just watch those Oscar-winning film offers roll in once you start enriching your own weapons-grade plutonium. No more lacklustre Lethal Weapon sequels for you, no sir!