Kommilitone - Fellow Student

I’m so glad I went to university when I did. Seeing so many students around town, on the streets (walking, not so much in a prostitution capacity) and in my workplace, I’m truly grateful I wasn’t stuck living and studying with their kind. Almost all the guys prance around with their ultra-stylish, perfectly messy haircuts, clad in their ridiculous sixty-quid (cun)T-shirts, while their middle-England accents fail to mask their general thick-twatedness. I’ve overheard the most retarded of arguments between two parties, both clearly wrong from the outset, finally agree on an even more wrong common ground. Like most universities, UEA flogs department-branded hoodies, so you can, as I have, snicker loudly as a group of politics students fight over… actually all examples I’ve since typed and deleted were even less funny than Dane Cook, so I’ll simply say they were very stupid indeed.

While the guys seem a million times more irritating than they were in 2001, a much higher proportion of female students are looking dangerously vacant. Of course being a flagrant misogynist, I’m not against the idea of pretty girls learning stuff, but so many look and sound incapable of opening a packet of Farley’s Rusks, let alone shaking a baby and getting away with it. (It is possible the popular child care course syllabus has changed since I last constructed a topical joke about it, so apologies if the previous non-gag isn’t relevant anymore.) So the main point is if these girls were any more vacant, they’d be condemned and boarded up by the council for our safety. (I’ll add, in the spirit of parenthesis-bound real-time commentary that the previous sentence seemed the only way of shoe-horning in that non-joke - attempting to liken vacuous girls to empty properties. So apologies if it didn‘t seem forced.)

Anyway, unfairly ripping on today’s youthful idiots is just further proof that your own academic year is always the best there is. The preceding year groups are full of whinging moaners, constantly complaining they had it tougher without the Internet, Ipods and Hollyoaks, while the young’uns have it so much bloody easier with their faster Internet, better Ipods and Hollyoaks in HD. Oh, and jealously has nothing to do with it - it’s just they’re all bastards for being under twenty and having a real excuse for not having a proper job.